“It's still too prolix”
Ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen
To General Dreedle, who ran a fighting outfit, it seemed a lot of crap. Furthermore, it was none of General Peckem’s goddam business how the tents in General Dreedle’s wing were pitched. There then followed a hectic jurisdictional dispute between these overlords that was decided in General Dreedle’s favor by ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen, mail clerk at Twenty-seventh Air Force Headquarters. Wintergreen determined the outcome by throwing all communications from General Peckem into the wastebasket. He found them too prolix. General Dreedle’s views, expressed in less pretentious literary style, pleased ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen and were sped along by him in zealous observance of regulations. General Dreedle was victorious by default.
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Redneck
All rednecks are philistines, but all philistines are not rednecks- you are NOT a redneck if you know what philistine means, and you are NOT a redneck if ………….,.
Howard Dean makes sense to you.
you know which crayola is antique mauve.
you know the difference between antique mauve and carmine rose..
you xmas shop QVC in June.
you’ve seen “Sleepless In Seattle” more than once.
you know the thread-count of your bed sheets.
if you drive a BMW.
you traded a BMW for a LEXUS.
your vegetable garden has no recognizable vegetables.
you have a vegetable garden on your balcony.
you need help unhooking a fish.
if sushi makes your mouth water.
you listen to music with more than three cords.
you watch CSPAN more than once a month.
you and your spouse wear identical outfits.
you think Shania Twain is a image acquisition standard.
you know a cocktail is not a sensuous term..
.you know a leek is not something you do off your balcony.
you don’t know the difference between a cross-cut and a rip.
you prefer Persian over shag.
you’ve never gigged frogs or hunted wild boar.
you’ve never savored cabrito.
you prefer a chapeau over a Stetson.
you’ve never heard of Vicks Salve, Watkins Liniment or Carter’s Little Liver Pills..
your idea of fore play is …………, (get in the truck b****)
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DIXIE
Words and Music by Daniel D. Emmett
1.
I wish I was in de land ob cotton,
Old times dar am not forgotten;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
In Dixie Land whar I was born in,
Early on one frosty mornin,
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
2.
Old Missus marry "Will-de-weaber
Willium was a gay deceaber;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
But when he put his arm around 'er,
He smilled as fierce as a "forty-pound'er.
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
3.
His face was sharp as a butchers cleaber,
But dat did not seem to greab'er;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
Old Missus acted de foolish part,
And died for a man dat broke her heart.
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
4.
Now here's a health to the next old Missus,
An all de galls dat want to kiss us;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
But if you want to drive 'way sorrow,
Come an hear dis song to-morrow.
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
5.
Dar's buck-wheat cakes an 'Ingen' batter,
Makes you fat or a little fatter;
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
Den hoe it down and scratch your grabble,
To Dixie land I'm bound to trabble.
Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land.
CHORUS
Den I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray!
In Dixie Land, I'll took my stand,
To lib and die in Dixie, Away, Away,
Away down south in Dixie, Away, Away,
Away down south in Dixie.
Words by Albert Pike
Southrons, hear your country call you!
Up, lest worse than death befall you!
To arms! To arms! To arms! In Dixie!
Lo! all the beacon fires are lighted -
Let all hearts be now united!
To arms! To arms! To arms! In Dixie!
CHORUS
Advance the flag of Dixie!
Hurrah! Hurrah!
For Dixie's Land we take our stand,
And live or die for Dixie!
To arms! To arms!
And conquer peace for Dixie!
To arms! To arms!
And conquer peace for Dixie!
FADE TO BLACK. |
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POP QUIZ FOR THE MATHEMATICALLY HANDICAPPED
What is 2 raised to the i-th power, when i = square root of -1 ?
Answer: 0.769391622 + 0.638976427 i
What is 'e' raised to the (π i) power -1 ?
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